A proposed original movie concept, first conceived in 1997-98, as a satire of Hollywood action movies. It combines elements of old classic westerns and modern "blow-em-up" spectaculars, as well as the real life political events and scandals of Washington during the Clinton years. The main characters are based on the actual members of the U.S. Supreme Court (see photos below)
The basic premise is this: the U.S. government is in danger of being secretly overthrown by space aliens from the future, due to a super-conspiracy wherein the President is under the influence of his mistress, whose brain is controlled by a certain Asian government, which is itself controlled by the space aliens from the future.
of the Supreme Court are America's last hope!
Justice John Paul Ringo (Charles Bronson)
movie version of John Paul Stevens
112 years young, Ringo began his law career by learning about “six-gun justice” from Wyatt Earp. Appointed by Calvin Coolidge. Constantly murmurs to himself, “Brother, I'm gettin’ to old for this....“ Every time gunfire erupts in court - which seems to happen about every five minutes - he swears, "This is the last time. After this, I'm hanging up my guns for good!"
Justice Atilla M. McKegger (Jack Palance)
movie version of Anthony M. Kennedy
McKegger has the personality of one of those weathered, hard-drinking, tough-guy, Hemmingway-esque novelists. His memory of the past is seriously compromised by a lifetime of alcohol binges. Law students will come up to him and gush, "Gosh sir, it's such an honor to meet you! You truly inspired me when I read your opinion in U.S. vs. Calista Flockhart...." (person then quotes long, stirring, eloquently worded passage) .... to which McKegger replies, "Are you shittin' me? I wrote that crap? Jesus Christ, I musta been really fuckin' hammered that day."
Justice David Slaughter (Sylvester Stalone)
movie version of David Souter
Slaughter is a former war hero and Nobel laureate who lost everything when he accidentally killed twelve men in a bar brawl. He then studied and got his law degree in prison. Whenever he's reminded of his past, he pounds his fists on the table and exclaims bitterly, “Damn it! It was an ACCIDENT!!!"
Justice Clarence Stompus (Jim Brown)
movie version of Clarence Thomas
Stompus has no understanding of the concept of the double entendré, or of
the fact that nearly every word he says is mistaken for a vulgar sexual remark.
Obvious example: “I’d love to stroke your pussy!” *SLAP* “Huh?? What was that for?
I just wanted to pet your cat. I love kitties. Why the hell does this keep happening to me?”
Justice Stephen Hägen-Däs (Bruce Willis)
movie version of Stephen Breyer
Hägen-Däs was a cop who was constantly being chewed out by his superiors for
violating suspects’ civil rights. His captain finally suggests that if he doesn't like it,
he should get himself appointed to the Supreme Court. So he does.
Justice Sandra Day O'Justice (Sigourney Weaver)
movie version of Sandra Day O'Connor
O'Justice is a former behavioral psychologist who routinely testified in court hearings
on behalf of psychotic killers, certifying that they were completely rehabilitated and thus safe to release from prison. Invariably, the psychotic killer would then break into her home that night and try to kill her. After about the 23rd time in a row that this happened,
she suddenly realized that something had to be done to keep these people off the street.
Justice Ruth Badass Ginseng (Jackie Chan)
movie version of Ruth Bader Ginsburg
In reality, Ginseng is a Hong Kong cop who has spent many years tracking the vast
secret oriental organization that killed his partner. And his brother. And his fiancé. As well as his next door neighbor, his milkman, his barber, etc.... As the result of information he uncovered that suggested a possible link between this shadowy, nefarious cabal and the President of the United States, Ginseng decided to go undercover and infiltrate the U.S. government.
Chief Justice Wilhelm Von Rhinequist (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
movie version of William Rehnquist
Von Rhinequist was appointed as the result of a popular movement to finally have gay representation on the Supreme Court. He claims that he loves interior decorating,
flower arranging, Judy Garland, Martha Stewart, and that he shares his house
with 50 cats.... and yet he comes off as the world's most unconvincing gay man.
McKegger (nudging): "Hey Willy - nice rack on that chick lawyer, huh?"
Von Rhinequist (in robotic 'Terminator' voice): "I would not know. I am a homosexual."
Justice Anton "The Enforcer" LaScalia (Steven Segal)
movie version of Antonin Scalia
Mysterious. He behaves like some kind of weird monk, but there is evidence
to suggest that he might be there as part of a witness protection program.
In truth nobody really knows just how the hell he got onto the Supreme Court.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, David Hackett Souter, Clarence Thomas, Stephen Breyer
Antonin Scalia, John Paul Stevens, William Rehnquist, Sandra Day O'Conner, Anthony M. Kennedy
Ruth Badass Ginseng, David Slaughter, Clarence Stompus, Stephen Hägen-Däs
Anton "The Enforcer" LaScalia, John Paul Ringo, Wilhelm Von Rhinequist, Sandra Day O'Justice, Atilla M. McKegger
Billy Bob Clanton, President of the United States (Billy Bob Thornton)
Hildegard, shrewish First Lady (Sharon Stone)
First Daughter - who (along with Mittens, the First Cat) holds
Bambi Lovebody, the president's mistress (Jennifer Connelly)
Candy Manscock, the president's ex-mistress (Jennifer Tilly)
Rex Caliber, head of the Secret Service (Harrison Ford)
Throckmorton, TV reporter who suspects there may be
Elmer Dunwitty, the president's senior advisor (Keanu Reeves)
Senator Lester E. Tuttle, pontificating head of the Opposition Party (Tommy Lee Jones)
Ken Meddlesome, special investigator for the Justice Department (John Malkovitch)
Melvin DuPontier, Director of the F.B.I. (Morgan Freeman)
Pontius Melvoin, Director of the C.I.A. (Samuel T. Jackson)
Neil Steel, constitutional law expert and professional race car driver (Mel Gibson)
Libby Miranda, butt-kicking appellate attorney (Kate Beckinsale)
Mia Culpa, the stereotypically ditzy law clerk (Sarah Michelle Gellar)
Lombardo Borg, embittered rejected Supreme Court nominee (Sean Connery)
General Anesthesia, internationally renowned supervillain (Bill Murray)
space alien from the future who tries to reassure us all
one line in every scene (Robert
"I'm not going to let you harm this kitty, YOU BASTARDS!!!"
The Magnificent Nine: Justice Day
"I got your habeas corpus right here, pal!"